Alright, you’re here because something feels a bit… flat. Maybe it’s the same three positions, the same awkward silence after, or maybe you’re starting to fantasize about that bartender who remembers your cocktail order but not your name. Don’t panic—every couple hits a rut. You’re not broken. You’re just bored.
Now, here’s the deal—I’ve been there. One night I actually faked a leg cramp just to get out of sex. Not proud, but hey, I’ve done worse for less. I love love.
I love lust even more. But I won’t suffer through another dead-eyed missionary session just because someone said “intimacy matters more than orgasms.” Wrong. Both matter. Deeply.
So if you’re itching to shake things up (and not just in your bedroom), I’ve got you.
Key Points:
- Intimacy without novelty is just habit with a heartbeat.
- Most people want more spice but are too scared to say it first.
- New toys or ideas don’t mean something’s missing—they mean you care.
- Communication without ego can lead to ridiculous fun.
- Curiosity is hotter than lingerie—don’t forget that.
You Want More. Admit It First
Let’s start with the dirty truth. The first step isn’t some overpriced silk robe or “sexy dice.” It’s honesty.
With yourself.
I used to lie through my teeth. I’d say “that was amazing” after five minutes of limp thrusting and a forehead kiss. Then I’d stare at the ceiling, wondering if my vibrator still had batteries. Why? Because I didn’t want to bruise his ego. Or mine.
You can’t upgrade your experiences if you’re pretending you’re fine.
So go stand in front of a mirror and say it out loud:
“I want more.”
That doesn’t mean you want someone else. That doesn’t mean you’re broken.That means you’ve got taste. And expectations.
And yes, you should say it to your partner too. Don’t wait until you’re two glasses in and passive-aggressively suggesting tantric yoga. Say it when you’re sober. Say it when your hair looks awful. Say it even if your voice shakes.
You deserve to feel something real.
Toys Aren’t Just for Solo Time Anymore
Oh, the number of women I’ve met who keep their toys in the drawer like they’re some kind of dirty secret.
Spoiler alert: most of your friends own at least one. Some of them own more than shoes. And they’re not ashamed. Because why should they be?
Let’s talk about a crowd favorite – rabbit vibrators.
No, not just because “Sex and the City” said so. Because they freaking work. If I had to take one item on a desert island, I’d skip food and bring mine. It has buttons. It rotates. It hums like a Tesla in sport mode.
Use it alone.
Use it with him.
Use it when the movie is boring and his hand is two inches too low.
Explore what turns you on, and stop apologizing for it.
You’re Not a Mind Reader and Neither Is He
Let me tell you about my worst mistake.
I once spent three months silently hoping my guy would tie me up. Every time we flirted, I dropped hints like a bad soap opera villain. I’d say things like “We should watch Fifty Shades” or “Rope is kind of sexy, huh?” He’d just nod, then make popcorn. I was dying inside.
Eventually, I snapped.
Mid-argument, I yelled, “WHY WON’T YOU JUST PIN ME AGAINST THE WALL SOMETIMES?”
He stared.
Then he laughed.
Then he said, “You never told me that.”
So I did.
He listened.
And oh boy, he delivered.
Now I’ve got ropes under the bed. Don’t judge me—judge my knots. They’re solid.
- Speak up.
- Stop the mental gymnastics.
- Say what you want. Out loud. Clear. Bold. No metaphors. No hints.
If you don’t, you’ll end up resenting them for not guessing. That’s not fair. Or sexy.
Make It a Game, Not a Chore
Sex shouldn’t feel like a job you don’t get paid for. And trying new things shouldn’t feel like assembling IKEA furniture with a blindfold on.
So make it fun.
Here’s how we do it at my place:
Spin-the-Wheel Date Nights:
- I write ideas on a wheel—yes, an actual plastic spinny thing.
- Each color means a different vibe: romantic, kinky, wild-card, slow-burn.
- He spins. We do what it lands on. No vetoes. No shame.
Some ideas we’ve had:
- Strip trivia (I lose on purpose).
- Bed picnic in lingerie (chocolate included).
- Try one new position from the Kama Sutra (some are basically yoga).
- Blindfold and guess the body part (way harder than it sounds).
Try it. You’ll feel giddy again. That’s gold.
Check Your Insecurities Before They Ruin the Mood
Can we talk about body image for a second?
You’re not the only one who hesitated to climb on top because you felt bloated. Or didn’t want to try a position because you thought your thighs looked weird. Or turned off the light because you hadn’t waxed.
Honey, I’ve canceled an entire night because of one chin hair.
But here’s what I’ve learned after years of insecurity:
No one notices.
They don’t care.
They’re just grateful you’re there, moaning and glowing and real.
So stop hiding behind the sheets. Throw the damn light on. Or wear the red thing with the rip in the back. Confidence will always look hotter than perfection.
Even if your eyeliner is smudged and your socks don’t match.
Get Weird. Get Silly. Get Real
Not everything new has to be some serious, erotic, candle-lit fantasy. Some of the best nights I’ve had started with me in sweatpants, accidentally flashing him while getting cereal.
Sex can be awkward.
Things fall. Noises happen. Legs cramp.
Once I farted mid-o.
He laughed so hard he fell off the bed.
We still talk about it.
So stop trying to make it perfect.
Instead:
- Be spontaneous.
- Use whipped cream.
- Try doing it in the hallway.
- Laugh if someone knocks over a lamp.
Weird is fun.
Messy is real.
And real is where connection lives.
Start With Small Upgrades, Then Go Wild
Don’t think you need to go full dungeon mode on day one. Baby steps work better than panic.
Start small:
- Try a new position. One. Not twenty.
- Use a silk scarf. Not handcuffs. Yet.
- Whisper one fantasy into their ear. One. Not a whole novel.
Then build.
You don’t need a theme song and smoke machine to create a shift.
You need intention.
You need courage.
You need a little “what if” energy.
And once you start? You’ll be addicted to the freedom.
When You Feel Safe, You’ll Want Everything
Here’s the kicker.
None of this works if you feel judged. Or rejected. Or invisible.
You need to feel seen.
You need to know that no matter what you say, your partner won’t shame you.
So create that safety first.
How?
- Praise more.
- Laugh at your failures.
- Try. Fail. Laugh again. Try again.
I once tried to dirty talk and accidentally quoted Shrek. Still got laid. Still laughed about it a year later.
Your relationship deserves truth. Humor. Risk. Joy.
Create that, and the pleasure will follow. Naturally. Explosively.
Final Thoughts: Stop Waiting for Magic. Create It.
If you’ve read this far, then deep down you already know what needs to change.
You’re not asking for too much.
You’re asking for honesty, connection, freedom to explore.
You’re allowed to feel everything—especially joy, laughter, pleasure, hunger, curiosity, and power. All in one night. So don’t just sit there waiting for him to magically figure it out.
- Grab his hand.
- Say what you want.
- Then go get it.
